The Christmas season recently drew to a close with tons of leftovers and parties. The Straits Times in Singapore recently reported about 20-30% increase in food wastage during the festive season, so much so that additional waste trucks have to be deployed to take away the waste.

Christmas is a lot of things to alot of people. In the midst of giving and receiving, my question is “Do we give back to society enough?”

Recently, I had the privilege of taking part in a carolling night where a large bunch of friends went to a shelter for the homeless to bring some joy, games and food to them. It was a simple act, but to see children and their moms screaming when playing games, singing along with you in the songs and being extremely happy when they receive gifts and glow-in-the-dark luminous sticks, you can’t help but be very happy that you have given them something that most people yearn for: joy and happiness.

My purpose of this post is to encourage you to give back to society. Dedicate a day or two to serve the needs of the less fortunate than you. Choose to esteem them better than yourselves and treat them like kings and queens. I sincerely believe that if we take time to give and not focus on ourselves all the time, we start to see how precious is each and every person. That’s where we start living.

“An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity – Martin Luther King, Jr.”

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When it comes to working in teams, most people often hesitate in asking for help. In fact, some leaders often think of the many reasons why their staff do not want to take up certain projects or additional work.

In my work with people, my experience tells me that unless I can share the reason for doing things with other people and delegate work out, I can never truly be transformational in what I do. The role of a leader is to create a team and galvanize them towards an objective. However, in most cases, whenever we think of the people we need to spearhead certain initiatives or even join our team, we can sometimes give a lot of reasons why he/she is not willing to take it on. We say NO for them.

Statements like the following:

“I’m sure that she will be great for this role, however she has just completed a major project and I don’t think she will take up a new role right now.”

“It will be great to have him on our team, but there’s just no way he will come in. Our remunerations will never be close to what he’s getting.”

I understand that those above are real concerns, but if we do not ask, we will have totally closed the door for that person to work with us. In fact, there are many instances when I am surprised over and over again that people do want to give more of their time, money or effort to something they believe in.

Here’s a conversation I had with whom someone I wanted on my team:

“Glad to have been able to know what you are passionate about and the marvellous skills that you possess. Right now our aim is to develop and mentor new members. Personally, they are a great bunch. However, if I have you helping out in the mentoring process, I know they will surely soar in their work scope. There’s no promise of more incentives, but I can guarantee that this will be an extremely fulfilling work because you will be able to teach and impact lives.”

Guess what? This lady with superb counselling skills joined us and played a pivotal role in building the team.

Never say NO for other people. Give them a reason, share with them your vision and they might just surprise you with a big resounding “YES, I’m willing to be involved!”

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Kenneth having fun with his participants

From my experience, I have come to know many people who know what they do not like, however, not many people know what they like and what really drives them in life. There are a lot of people who work with a lack of passion or have values that clash with their job scope. This results in a lot of unhappy people.

The question then is “How do you know what you are passionate about?”

Here are some questions that will help you:

1. What are the three words that describe you?
2. What are the things that you really like to do, without getting paid, for long hours?
3. What are the three things in life that makes you frustrated?
4. What are some talents that people say you have?
5. What is your perfect world like?

I truly believe that when you are able to answer the above questions truthfully, your next step is to identify whether there are links between each question and attempt to put them together. Here’s my personal mission statement:

My life purpose is to use my energy and training skills to teach, motivate and inspire people to have fun, loving and supportive relationships.

When I see people enjoying their relationships and having fun in the work environment or at home, it gives me tremendous pleasure! This is one of the reasons why I conduct many transformational teambuilding and people related programs. In addition, I give key note address in seminars and conduct talks as well in the people management area. Do not fall into the trap and pursue other peoples’ dreams. I have seen many people trying to enroll themselves in different programs when it is not in line with their personal values and mission.

So, I hope that you will make a conscious decision to identify what you are passionate about and go for it, rather than go through life talking about the things that you don’t like to do.

What’s your passion? Do share it with me in the comments box!

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If you have watched the show Bucket List, you will know that it is a show about 2 men who have been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Instead of lying down in a hospital ward and wait for their impending doom, they escape and head off in a road trip to accomplish a list of “To-Dos” list before they die.

One of the characters, Carter, writes a “bucket list”, or a list of things to do before he “kicks the bucket” (or die in plain English). To me the best part of the show is that they decided to really live life to the full and chase their dreams. This took a lot of courage and determination. Moreover, it made me cry.

One thing that totally struck me was that these two guys were really living and very different from many people in today’s society where a lot of people feel that dreams and reality are two opposing  forces. I started to ask myself, what will I really want to accomplish before I die:

Here’s my bucket list:

• Go skydiving
• Finish an iron man competition
• Learn polo
• Be proficient in mandarin
• Speak to a crowd of at least 5000 people
• Drive a race car and speed (really speed at 210kmh)
• Travel around the world for 3 months straight
• See the Grand Canyon
• Be part of the Oktober Fest in Germany
• Be driven into the Istana and have a drink with the president
• Talk to multinational CEOs from Fortune 500 companies
• See Christ Redeemer in Brazil

So… my question, will you start living and pursue your bucket list? Will you leave your comments and share your bucket list?

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Have you ever offended people by your speech or actions? Well, I don’t know about you, but I have done that many times and I am not proud of it. What do you do when you feel you need to apologize?

Here is the 4 step process that I use that has benefited me tremendously when I need to apologise:

1. Realize and admit that you am wrong

Apologizing first has to start with you fully accepting that you are in the wrong. You will not be congruent in your apology when you refuse to see that its your fault. Restoration of relationships can only when someone admits their mistake.

2. Be sincere and specific about your mistake

Clearly list down what are the mistakes you are apologetic about and be sincere about it. Be very clear in why you need to apologize, what you are apologizing for and that you treasure your relationship more than your pride.

3. Pause

After you have said what you need to say, give a short pause to your apology. This will help the other person to process what you have said. If you keep talking, most people will not be able to remember the key words in your apology.

4. Ask what can you do to make things better

Lastly, ask the offended party what you can do right now to appease their anger. This helps to show that you are willing to make atonement for your mistakes.

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Singapore is known for its efficiency and hard working folks, however have you ever seen people having fun in their area of work?

This video demonstrates that you can have tons of fun watching and being part of the Flash Mob in Raffles Place, heart of our Central Business District. Enjoy!

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Trust IS the most fundamental element in all relationships. It is essential to business performance, sales, managing people or even just relating and sharing with loved ones. To build your trust-worthiness, here are some things that you really need to keep in mind.

1. Trust starts from a perspective

It starts from the very perspective that you have of other people. If you view people with suspicion most of the time, the chances are that you had a very bad experience in your past with people. You tend to treat most people with suspicion, whether they are trust-worthy or not. However if you have a perspective that most people are trustworthy, you will tend find them and people will reciprocate your view points. Ralph Waldo Emerson, a great poet, shares “Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly, and they will show themselves great.”

2. Trust means to say what you mean and mean what you say

Trust basically starts from yourself. If you want people to trust whatever you say, you have to first start with being consistent with your words and then honouring them at every moment. Our personal character is the first place to start before we start on our relationships. Here are some questions that have to be answered: Is my character solid? Do I follow through in what I say? Am I honest with the way I live my live?

3. Trust knows no boundaries in the different areas of your life

Cheryl Biehl once said that if you can’t trust people at all points, you can’t truly trust him or her at any point. There are many times in my life where I find it a struggle to be consistent. One of the earliest problems I had was being late every time I meet people and it became a trust issue to other people. They could not believe that I could ever come early. It was only after a long struggle, that I learn to honour peoples’ time and strived to always arrive early. My take on this is that if I cannot even honour my punctuality in meeting with people, they will find it difficult to trust me in other areas of my life.

4. Trust is like an emotional bank account

Trust is like a currency that we deposit with other people’s emotional bank account. Everytime we honour our words, we make a deposit. Every time we dishonour our words, we withdraw with (with interest) from them. The problem is that deposits are usually very small, while every withdrawal tends to be very large. Therefore, strive to make frequent deposits every day, while avoiding withdrawals.

Let me leave you with a quote:

“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough.” Frank Crane

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Here are some invaluable ways that will help you win over people:

1. Smile when you talk

People are more comfortable with you when you give them your best smile. It destroys any barriers and helps build a sense of connectedness. In all of my public talks, I usually go to the venue early and smile at my participants even before I talk. This creates empathy and helps them know that I am friendly even before I speak.

2. Encourage others to talk about themselves

Great conversationalists are usually good in getting people to talk about themselves. When you consistently shift the focus to your friend and really get to know them on a personal level, they feel that someone actually cares about them.

There’s a story about Britain’s two great prime ministers are William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli. A young woman went to dinner with them on successive nights. When asked by people around her on what she thought of the two men, she said: “When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. However, when I sat next to Mr Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman in England!”

3. Use their names often

One of the most sweetest things you can ever hear about yourself is probably your name. I try to use it as much as possible in my conversations. Whenever I meet people who are serving me (like waitresses, bankers or even fast food restaurant staff), I usually acknowledge them by thanking them by specifically mentioning their name, eg. “Thank you Helen for the food!” It usually brings a smile to their faces!

4. Make the other person feel important

If you can make people feel important, you will usually be able to influence them. I could recall speaking to another trainer friend of mine who has this unique ability to really help you feel good about yourself. She constantly makes remarks on how well you approached the problem, how your contributions are acknowledged as well as your efforts in serving the people around you. She basically makes you feel that you are important and the world would have been worst off without your presence. This is a mark of a person who constantly seeks to raise people up with words of affirmation.

Conclusion

John Maxwell so aptly puts it regarding charisma. The person without charisma walks into a group and says “Here I am”. The person with charisma walks into a group announcing “There you are”. To influence people is not difficult, all you need is to win their hearts.

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Do you have circumstances where the entire office is engaged in a war? Watch this hilarious clip to find out.

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I’m curious. Have you ever heard of people who call themselves “self-made”? For example, I’m a self-made millionaire….

Honestly, I don’t believe that statement is true at all. I mean, is there such thing as that you alone made yourself famous/rich/successful/___________ (fill in the blank)? For every person that ‘made it’ there are actually tons of people around this person supporting him/her.

Let me prove to you:

People who are successful in business, usually have a team of people who are working with or for them. They don’t do everything themselves.

If you are very rich, its because someone has probably mentored you before, or shared successful principles to your very soul.

Before you ever think you are ‘self made’, I hope you consider 3 these 3 groups of people who are rooting for your success…

1. People who are infront of you (your mentors or people who have imparted wisdom to you)

2. People beside you (your spouse, partners or colleagues)

3. People who are behind you (your staff)

There’s a saying:

If you want to go fast, go alone
If you want to go far, go together

Hope you remember that self-made people don’t exist, only successful people with strong teams do. Therefore, build great teams and you will be great too!

If you like this article, please subscribe to our blog by getting the Free Report on “7 Transformational Secrets to creating a Dynamic and Cohesive Team”. If you have comments, I would love to hear them. Please write your comments on the top right of this post.

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